all i can do is be me, whoever that is.

[...]

2010-11-16T21:45:00.001-08:00

i didn't get it.

overwhelmed.

2010-11-14T19:25:00.000-08:00

So since my last post in October, I have sill NOT heard from the aforementioned A________ about the job i've applied for 4 months-ish ago. I've come to the conclusion that I will not get the job, and even if I did, do I want it? I would literally have to move my entire life in 2 weeks, get set-up, and start the new job. I mean, i could do it, but knowing me I'd likely lose my mind a little bit. It would be so hectic...

This has been a rather lazy, yet productive, Sunday for me. One of the best Sunday's i've had in a while actually... I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon, (damn i love sleeping in once in a while), met my boyfriend for brunch at a restaurant down the road, came home and did laundry, etc... then spent the remaining hours of my day researching different career paths/travel options. very exciting, but OH MY GOD, overwhelming.

I have very many interests, and very diverse skill-sets. My problem is, how do i stream-line myself? what route do i take? If I choose to go back to school it absolutely has to be something I'm 100% passionate about. I refuse to be one of those individuals who goes to school for many years and majors in something they could give two shits about, or worse off, get a degree and realize it's not their passion. Not only do i not want to waste my time in school, i can't afford it. My parents paid for my schooling before and if I go back I'm pretty positive I'd have to pay for it... that would be a huge burden.

i don't really know what else to say. i have to keep doing research... keep doing research.

stunning art direction. love the color, scenery, installations, fashion. love rihanna too.

2010-10-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

love this outfit.

2010-10-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

so, here we are...

2010-10-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

i've had this account since january 2010 and today, i've finally found the motivation to actually create it. "create it" meaning design it, come up with a title (which was surprisingly difficult), and all the other good stuff having a blog entails. i'm honestly not to crazy about the url name i came up with... everything else i wanted was taken. lame.

i'm not entirely sure why i created this blog to begin with? i guess i'll see where it goes.

okay. enough of that - introducing my first official "online journal style" entry: (i need to vent a little)

i'm going a little bit crazy. not insane crazy, not silly crazy, but that form of "stressed the fuck out" crazy. i've applied for my (current point-in-my-life) dream job as a D_____ C__________ for A__________ and i've been waiting for almost 4 months to discover whether i got the gig or not.

allow me recap; i've worked within the company for almost 2 years now, i am certainly qualified for the position (i've pursued fine art and design for my entire life and even went to school for 3 years to pursue my talents further), i've had 4 separate interviews, i've completed two different rounds of projects for my interviewers, and i'm STILL waiting.

however; i did find out last week that the position is narrowed down to 2 candidates. myself and one other woman (who is an external candidate), who apparently is uber-qualified (even more so than myself) and is likely grossly talented. fuck. i should be finding out within the next 2 weeks (i emphasize "should" because i've been lead on for months now that i "should" be finding out anytime - and here i am) so i'm extremely anxious to know.

if i am to get the job, i will be moving from my home city - granted i'll only be moving 2ish hours away so not a huge deal. but my whole life is here; my friends, my family, my boyfriend... i'm going to be sacrificing a lot but i'm willing to do that simply because i want this damn job so badly. if i am to get the job, that would mean i get to wake up every morning, monday thru friday, and practice what i love to do every. single. day. if you've ever worked a job that you don't love, a job that you've loathed and despised so much you wonder why you are doing it every waking fucking second you're doing it, then you'll understand how much this potential job means to me.

my career interests have a very VERY small window of opportunity, (unless you're a freelancer, which i have no interest in ever pursuing - stability is very important to me.) A_________ (and a couple others in the world) are the only places where i can make a living doing what i want to do. so, i've come to this point in my life where i've concluded that if i am not to get the job - i literally have no idea what i'm going to do. i'm quitting the job i'm currently doing (i cannot stand the job, i'm only doing it so i remain to have an "in" with A________) and i think i'm just gonna get a gig waitressing or some shit. i need an income and i need the time and flexibility to really think about my next move in life. thankfully, i'm still relatively young, so going back to school is definitely a consideration - a very likely one at that, i just need to figure out what it is i'll go back for. i could travel too, but i'd rather do it with a companion.

*SIGH*

my head hurts.

this felt nice. i'm gonna do it again soon.

<3